Brewed Fresh Daily

You don't really know any homosexuals, you just know that there are a lot of them in Lakewood. You know you don't really have an accent, the rest of the world does. You hear there are always famous people in town, but you have never seen one. You hate country music, don't know anyone that does like country music, and yet WGAR just won the music station of the year. You find it hard to believe that someone as cool as Tom Hanks made his start here. But you'd brag about it. You take credit for Cedar Point even though it is 2 hours away. You honestly believe that Cleveland is the best city in the world. You take Dead Man's Curve at 60 mph holding your breath. You know about the Eastside/Westside rivalry, but don't really understand it. Good Morning from the Buzzard Morning Zoo is a jingle you'll never forget. Your neighborhood schools went without sports because all the senior citizens refused to pass the levies. You actually know how to pronounce Cuyahoga. You can't tell Brook Park, Brooklyn, or Old Brooklyn apart. You see Christmas lights still up in July. You find yourself singing Garfield 1-2323 in the shower. You have never ridden in a taxi. You really don't know what the Warehouse District is, you just know that it's a great place to party. You know who "the Jake" really is. You hate Baltimore and you have never been there. St. Patty's Day is your number one holiday, and you aren't Irish. You're still relishing 1987 when we ALMOST made it to the Super Bowl. You counted down with the monument in Tower City to the exact second in 1999, when the Browns came back. You know Tower City isn't a city at all. Stories of Little Italy still send chills down your spine. At least half of your wardrobe is Tribe apparel. Toward the lake means north, and toward the river means south. You know what a "purple k-niff" is (hint spoken by a frequent critic of "Dorothy" and Parma.) Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.