Toni Chanakas · People Who Just Drop By…

June 20th, 2008

I want to ask a simple question. Who likes it when friends, family or acquaintances just drop by unannounced without calling first? I do not know why, but after the first of the year, a friend of mine does just that. She just stops by because she is in the neighborhood. I think she thinks she is being friendly, or perhaps she has nothing else to do on a Saturday afternoon around 6PM. I am sorry, but I am a busy person. I like a certain amount of structure and privacy. One instance in particular, I was transferring my groceries from my trunk into the house. And what do I see out of the corner of my eye, that annoying green car pulling up my drive. Doesn’t she see that I am busy? No, not at all! I was so irritated, that I told her specifically, “I can’t talk now.  I need to cook and finish putting my groceries into the house.” She gave me this hurtful, perplexed look. Then, I felt bad and talked to her for about 10 to 15 minutes. After she finally left, I was upset with myself for talking to her when I had things to do.

This is not an isolated incident. She stops over and gives me bread, grapefruits and spinach. She even stops by on Monday night, and then she leaves me a strange message on my cell phone wondering where I am. I have gotten text messages that simply say, “Where are you?” Creepy!  I am never home on weeknights before 8:30PM, I am either tutoring, at the gym or at an after work event. When she does call, it is on a Saturday Night around 9:15PM and wants to know if I can come out and play. Sorry, but I usually have plans by that time. I don’t know why this is driving me crazy lately. She is not getting my subtle hints, so I took the chicken’s way out. I admit, I do not like confrontation; therefore, I elected to write a detailed email describing my irritation. It has almost been a week now, and I have not heard from her.

I have gotten different responses from men and women. Women particularly do not like it; but men on the other hand, can’t understand why I’m getting so upset. I am curious what others think on this matter.

Last 5 posts by Toni Chanakas

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Category: BFD
3 Comments »

3 Responses to “People Who Just Drop By…”

  1. Danielle Says:
    June 21st, 2008 at 3:14 am

    Toni,

    Obviously this person thought that you liked her company as much as she likes yours. I am sure that she got the message from the email that you sent her.

    It sounds to me like your problem is now solved.

  2. Derek Arnold Says:
    June 21st, 2008 at 8:44 am

    Toni,

    Your friend should respect that you don’t have a schedule nor the desire to have folks “pop in”.

    I have friends I do that with and it’s fine with them and I have other friends who I wouldn’t do that with. It’s all about leveraging your interest in companionship with their lives. If you can reach a medium, all is well. If not, conversations need to be had.

  3. beth Says:
    June 23rd, 2008 at 9:20 am

    I think it’s too bad that we as a culture don’t have time for each other, but it can be demanding too if there’s a lot going on?

    Personally, I like surprise visits and random running into people, but I know that there’s a lot of people who don’t.

    If I’m thinking about dropping in on someone, I tend to call in advance to be sure it’s going to be okay.